forever a crush

"the first meeting was always the best part in a relationship. 

both of you will be excited chasing each other, adoring each other, wanting to know more about each other.
and each other's flaw will become something cute for both of you!

until you've explored enough everything together.

you feel like enough is enough.

and the excitement gone.
you started to get boring of each other.
her/his flaw is probably the most annoying things you've ever feel"

and that's probably the reason why a guy will never get over to girl he never get to be with. 

because he never had the chance to explore things with her. 

i started to understand a little bit about a crush.

once, a guy told me he had a crush for girl and he pretty sure that she have the same feeling for him but they can never be together due to religion differences. 

he told me that if not for the religion difference he would have ask her to be his girlfriend and he even thinking of marrying her.

*someone who keep saying he want to enjoyu his life and will only get marry at 40 are actually talking about marriage now.

and as he said it in front of me i can almost tell that she will be the best girl in his heart forever.

like no one can replace her. 

the things is, he never had the chance to explore things with her.

he never had a chance to see any flaw she have.
so, she took the highest place in his heart.

that girl he had a crush on.

that's why he behave that way i guess?? 

yaka??
please correct me if i'm wrong.

and yes of course i envy her!!

she can make a guy who want to get marry at 40 think about marriage for once!!!

she can never be this guy's girl but she had taken this guy's heart completely.
like completely!

oh dear crush!
now guys,

you are allowed to have a crush for whoever you want.

you can worship your crush forever.
but don't forget to look around, or you'll miss the right girl walking passed you.
;)

but darling i want both. 
you and your heart.

can i just be selfish?

now mari kita layan lagu c katy ni dulu la.

p/s,

haruskah mancari semula peminat-peminat masa di highschool?

trip-trip banyak peminat dulu.

lalalalalalalalalala. 

hahahah

XOXO,

l i l i e s j o h n

Jean's Little Sister

"when one door closes, another opens"

Anne was staring at the quote long after reading it.

"when-one-door-closes-another-opens"

she read it again one by one slower this time. 

it's been 5 minutes and she was still staring on the same page of the motivational book given by her sister, Jean. 

finally she take a deep breath.

"mmmmhuuuuuuuuuu..."

"really?? "
she said to herself.
"pffffffffffff! the hell"

she closed the book, throw it to her right side and switch on the TV.

she was fired 4 weeks ago.

Anne finished her degree 2 years and ago in Communication.

but five months ago she forced herself to take the job as a clerk in one of non-goverment company after being unemployed for over a year.

and 4 weeks ago, she was fired because the company need to reduce the amount of the staff.
and now she's back to what she was doing 5 months ago. 

"i am home!!"

Jean, her sister announcing her arrival from work loudly.

Anne was looking awhile at Jean placing her shoes on the rack. 

she get jealous for Jean since like forever. 

since they were small it was always been so easy for Jean. 

Jean was famous in highschool.

everyone in the school likes Jean. 

most of the male student approached Anne in highschool also because of Jean.
of course you'll get famous if your sister is the most beautiful, genius and famous student in school.
everyone know Anne as Jean's little sister.

"hey, it's Jean's little sister!"
"it's the Jean the junior!"
"woww,, so you are Jean's junior?"

Anne never saw Jean studying at home but Jean manage to get the best student award during her final year and even get herself into a famous university in the country.

most importantly Jean get a real job only 4 months after her graduation!

plus Jean also have a nice+hot boyfriend and soon to be Anne's brother in law. 

"hey, what are you doing?"

Jean's voice surprise Anne a little.

"hmmm, watching TV i guess"

showing the tv remote control to Jean.

"you seriously look depress"

said Jean while taking over the remote from her and start changing the channel.

"i don't understand. i am sitting here from 7 am in the morning with no responsibility. only eating, sleeping and watching TV until now. i mean this is heaven! why should i be depress?"

Anne was looking at Jean with a big fake question mark on her face.
Jean stopped changing the channel and looking back at Anne.

" really?? well, i don't know heaven was that boring."

they are both looking at each other and then start laughing.

"time to eat honey!"
their mother calling from the kitchen.

"you know what, you better enjoy you last days in heaven!"
said Jean before she throw the white envelope to Anne's and walked into the kitchen.
Anne open the envelope and read the letter carefully.
it was a job offering letter.
she know it was Jean who recommended her name to the company!
Anne was shouting excitedly.
she run off and jump on her sister's back.
Kissing Jean's cheek by force a few times.

"I love u. I love u. I love u. muahhhhhh!"

"stop it"!
Jean screaming.

Jean was the center of attention in her family.
Jean was the smartest.
Jean was brilliant.
it's was always about Jean.
Jean and Jean and Jean.
 and Anne was always jealous of Jean.

but after all Jean is the best sister in the world.
and she's proud of being Jean's little sister.

p/s
second try.
teehee

Used To Be

she looked at the clock on the radio. 

it was 9.08 pm and she was driving to somewhere. 

the man sitting beside are not saying a single words since he entered the car.

usually she will try hard finding a topic to talk to. 

but tonight she's not.

she secretly took a glimpse at his face while driving.

he was looking forward toward the road with his serious face.

she remember that she used to love when that serious face become an irritated face because of her unbearable singing while he's driving. 

she used to love driving with him.

there's so much to talk to and to share with him.

she never complain about him not holding her hand in public because she like it more when he's holding her hand while he's driving.

she used to think that there's no place is too far away to drive if she's with him.

but tonight is the road are just so long for her.

she remember the day before.

they are both in the same car.

and both of them are not talking too.

she tried to make a conversation. 

"have you eaten yet?"

but it was replied by the silence. 

"have you taken you bath?"

she tried again.

still no answer. 

nowadays they don't talk much.

but they argue so much.

she told herself as long as she doesn't give up everything will be fine.

she just need to fight.

tonight she's so exhausted and suffocated.

she's been hurting too much. 

suddenly she stop trying.

she decided to go with the flow.

keeping the silence because there's really nothing to share. 

"so this is it the stage of 'comfortable and going downhill' they are all talking about"
she talking to herself and take a deep breath before she pull up the handbrake.  

after an hour they've finally arrived to their destination. 

he took his things off leave without a word. 

and she also continued driving without any words. 

she keep thinking on her way driving home.

how their relationship has change so much during this past few years.
probably staying in a relationship for too long really does make you tired of it.
she was always a fighter.

as the song on the radio was playing,

"say something i'm giving up on you"

she cried her heart out.

because tonight she gave up.

p.s

i finally decided to take my muet this year so i am gonna be practicing my writing skill from time to time konon.  

i hope it won't irritate you.

and i am so bad at grammar so, do comment if i have things i need to make a correction.

majulah english untuk negara. kekeke

XXXX,

 l i l i e j o h  n

Bebeh to be... heol!

this is the conversation i had with my male friend today.

"i am thinking of growing my hair again, mau nampak bebeh-bebeh kenen"

"No need la. Your personality match with short hair. Panjang rambut pun kalau ganas tetap tidak nampak macam babeh tu"

"Saya mingayu-ayu la.."

"Tetap juga ko tidak boleh mengaburi mata saya with your long hair!"

" gia?? It's okay, at least i can fool other people yang tidak kenal saya! wahahahahaha"

"what??!!! hahahahah"

this is funny for me. 

most of my friends especially my male friends told me to keep my short hair since it's match with my personality konon. 

i don't know if it's true or not but 5 of my friends told me the same thing when i mention about growing my hair. 

i like short hair but i am getting bored with the same hairstyle for more than 2 years.

so, there's nothing will stop me.

not even my BF.

i am growing my hair again!

bebeh to be kenen!

aaaaaand hoi! hoi! 

i am not that ganas baaa...

boleh juga menjadi ayu bah ni geng.

dalam hati ada ke-bebeh-an jg. 

heeee

p/s,

saya ikut unduk ngadau lai ni tahun, baru kamu tau betapa bebehnya saya.
keteh!

bwahahahahahahhahahahahah!

XOXO,

l i l i e