Thursday, April 28, 2011

the real winner!

6 years ago, i was just a normal girl.
but i met this hot guy and immediately fell deep in love with him.
i became his secret admirer ever since. 
i've done everything i can just to win him over. 
you have no idea how i worked so hard to turn my self into a gorgeous woman.
i stopped wearing glasses and started to wear lenses. 
from a sandal lover into a high heels addict. 
from a t-shirt fan into a gorgeous dress lover.
from ordinary girl into a young gorgeous woman.
and it's actually work! 
most of my male friends said that I've change a lot and they all like it.
as predicted, if you are a gorgeous woman, it's not too hard to approached the guy that you like. 
i approached him and in no time, we became so close.
many other guy try to approach me but i only look at him.
only him all these time. 
i am pretty sure he know about my feeling for him. 
but still at the end of the day he chose the other girl.
i was crying on my bed every night for 2 weeks after i found out about his new relationship.
it was a huge heartbroken for me. 
like the whole world just fall into pieces.
i've come so far just to have him and still i wasn't the girl he want.

but on the third week, i get the courage to meet the girl and wish "ALL THE BEST" to her.
and right after our graduation day i met the guy for the first time after my heartbroken. 
i shake his hand and said"THANK YOU for taking me where i am today". 
even thou it's hard for me to smile but i am pretty sure it was the sincerest smile i've thrown to him ever since i know him. :)

how many of you have the strength to go and meet your rival and tell him/her 

there is always a competition in our life. 
we are all contestant.
we compete to live.
we compete to be the best
we compete to be loved.
we compete to be rich.
we compete to be the winner.
and sometimes we lose,sometimes we win. 
if we win, people will congratulate us.
but if we lose, we congrats the winner. 
try to accept the fact that we didn't win.

ignorant people say, 
"failure is a failure, no matter how good you are, you are still failure." 
oh is it? 
maybe yes, i mean you have lose in the competition.
but at the end of the day the real winner is the one who can accept his/her failure.

and before i forget, the story above wasn't my life story. 
i adapted it from the recent japanese drama i've been watching.
actually, i've had a crush long before too. 
but i never get the courage to approach him.
and i didn't change myself into a gorgeous woman of course.
i didn't take the challenge. 
i am a coward back then so, i just watch the guy from far. 
and congratulate them silently. 
so sad. 

that's why i admire the girl in this japanese drama.
 she have the courage to fight for her love. 
the guy doesn't chose her but at least she tried.
she accept the challenge!
and she's a winner for me.
 she win over herself. 
after the failure she didn't end her life or do something stupid but she thanked the guy for making her realize how far she can actually go.

so guys, never be afraid to take the challenges in your life. 
if you win then it's a bonus. 
and if you lose, you can cry as much as you want.
but never think that you are a failure because once you decide to take the challenge, you already are the WINNER!

too much x and o.

Friday, April 22, 2011


And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

my favorite verse. 
i was smiling while typing this post. of course when it comes to love, we all will be smiling. i strongly believe that everyone love to be loved. me too... i really hopes all the people that i love, loves me as well. 
i absolutely agree with this word. 
love is the greatest among all.
even if you have faith and hope but lack of love, it means nothing. 
in life, we must love. not only for your lovers but also for your family, your friends and your country (semangat patriotik kenen hehe). 

there is one story i want to share. 
well, i am pretty sure you guys have heard it many times right?

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white 
beard sitting in her frontyard. She did not recognize them. 
She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. 
Please come in and have something to eat." 

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked. 

"No", she replied. "He's out." 

"Then we cannot come in", they replied. 

In the evening when her husband came in
she told him what had happened. 

"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!" 

The woman went out and invited the men in. 

"We do not go into a House together," they replied. 

"Why is that?" she asked. 

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing 
to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, 
and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your 
husband which one of us you want in your home." 

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband 
was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us 
invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!" 

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?" 
Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. 
She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to 
invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!" 

"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," 
said the husband to his wife. 

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest." 

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, 
"Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest." 

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also 
got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: 
"I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?" 

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, 
the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, 
wherever He goes, we go with him. 
Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!

so, why do LOVE is important again?? well, the story tells itself! :)
so long and good night..

too much X and O.



how do you do?
i hope that time has been kind to you and that you are well.
did you still watch movies until morning? guess you never change huh???
i just finish watching Japanese drama AKAI ITO. oowh, it was a good drama. it tells us about the reality of life.
if you have some free time, please watch this drama again.  :)

how's your family doing?? i really hope they are doing good. especially your parent. wish them happy always.
you too, if you having a hard time never give up ok!
remember God always with you. don't ever forget God.
i sometimes forget to thanks God but i hope you won't!
i hope you can be a better person. better than me. well, i won't be hoping for you to be perfect because nobody is perfect but at least you can be better than me.

some silly question for you. DO YOU MISS ME?? ahahaha.. no. i knew it. but i am sure you gonna miss your friends here right? these are your roommates back then.
i sort them according to their bed position.
(i don't know how to spell their full name. what a long name!)

so, did you finally buy DSLR? it's your desires to have one of them remember?. or maybe you already become a famous photographer now? well, i don't really think that you can be a famous photographer but i don't want to underestimate you. who knows? keke.

arkk! almost forgot bout SYTTIE. how is she he (i think SyTTIE should be male because he can never get pregnant! haha)?? is he still exist? you should have been kind to him.. ok.

you don't like reading too much, so, you probably won't even read my whole letter. be nice to yourself. don't eat too much chicken and maggi.. make sure to maintain your weight. mine is 49 kg so, yours should be 49 kg too..
i know GOD will always bless you like how HE bless me. take care.

from the younger you,
at 22rd april 2011, 12.37pm.

Friday, April 1, 2011


last night, right before i went to bed, i got  a message. it was from my friend.

"my course-mate just committed suicide" 

because this friend of mine use to trick me often,so i initially thought that it was a joke..

"don't joke around la, i am not in a mood for a joke"

"it's true la.. because of stress, and i think you know the person. he was in our ex-college before too" 

i don't really remember if i ever know the person that he mention because there are a lot of student in my ex-college with the same name and of course i won't be able to remember all of them. 
okay, i am not going to write more about the suicidal case today. 
i don't really know the exact story too. 
i only knew it was because of STRESS.

i am on the bed all night and i keep thinking about how powerful stress are. 
seriously guys, negative stress is a tricky killer.

stress can be divided into two, physiology and biology.. 
physiology is more to physical like a tension or something that we learn in physic class. 
the one with the formula T=F/a or whatever.(i use to love it before.... hmmm.)..

the other stress called biology stress. it always connected with our mental health.
both of them are quite important to us.
especially BIOLOGY STRESS. 
never ever underestimate the power of stress in your life. 
it's the silent killer!
remember, for every action there are reaction. 
manage your stress carefully cause once you fail to manage it, it will kill you slowly. 

to those who think he/she has a lot of things to stress with, enrich yourself with knowledge about stress and how to manage it.
and to those who are in the chain of stress,never ever try to give up your life. 
trust me,ending your life is not gonna solve the problem but worsened it. 
my match teacher use to tell us,
 'no matter what your score is, LIFE MUST GO ON.'

and to those who can handle stress very well, help those who can't. 
i remember that day, my friend text me. 
our college are having an event and it quite busy that time (since our class was chosen to handle the food) when i suddenly receive a text from a friend.. 
the text sounded like this.

"i am pathetic, nobody cares about me." 

and i have this bad habit. i don't really reply my friend's message.
especially when i think that it's not really important especially from a friend who used to tease me a lot. and this friends is actually the one who always send me shitty text like 
"hoi, ko pandai pakai heels suda ko ka sekarang?"
"oi, tukar profile picture ko di FB. jan juga terlampau menipu orang di FB!"

i don't know why, that time i just take out my phone and started to choose one of my message draft and forward it. it was actually one of my favorite message in my draft. 

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you"

i never check my cellphone after that.. and the next day, this friend was texting me as usual, joking and sometimes sending me some stupid message..
"oi saya dengar-dengar ko cantik sikit sudah dari tu muka ayam saya di rumah"
 me?? well, i enjoyed the funny text a lot but as usual, can only reply his text sometimes.. 
(saya kedekut kredit bah. sama tidak buli layan gila ni kawan saya 1 orang ni lama-lama.. nanti ko ikut gila. hahahhahaha)

but, last night this friend text me again and he said. 

"thank you for the text.. if it wasn't for the text, i will surely be the one who welcome my classmate up there" 

i was a little shock when he tell me about his problem. 
never realize that this bright+crazy friend can be so stress until he was thinking of ending his life.
i actually aware about his family problem and his difficult courses but because of his bright character, funny and always sent me the stupid text, i keep thinking that he won't have any problem with handling stress. 
 it's soooo scary to even think about it! 
can you imagine what would happen if i didn't reply his text like i always do?
now i realize how powerful stress are.. 
stress chose the target randomly. 
stress is also the very silent killer.
but i also realize, how good little things that we do in our daily life can actually save other's life. :)

jangan malas-malas reply message kawan.. they might really need it.. 

l i l i e j o h n