the death. appreciate life.

i am a paramedic student.
it was somewhere around November 2009, when i first saw real dead body.
death cause: accident.
when the PPK saw the scull and cut the stomach of the dead body to take out the organ, I'm suffocated with the blood's smell even  i use triple mask. the whole forensic room full with blood's smell.
after the doctor confirm the cause of death,my friend and myself help the PPK to put all the organ back to it's place and stitch the body back to how it was before.

gambar hiasan. tialah canggih betul forensic di kedah ni tapi lebih kurang mcm ni la..

and the effect is;
i can't eat anything at lunch. my lunch look like the organ that i put into the dead body's stomach. the brain, the intestine, the kidney, the lungs and all when it just a chicken and some vegetable.
and worse, that night i can't sleep. i keep thinking about the face of the dead body!!
everytime i try to close my eyes, the face appear!
the next morning i got panda eyes. @.@

three days after that, i got to see two more dead body and i think i'm getting used of it.
i can eat properly and sleep soundly at night too.. 
people are right about the first step is always the most difficult step.
hehehehhe...

sempat senyum before masuk forensic room.

 
unforgettable moment in forensic was last sem. an accident happen on that evening and the victim's head was completely crush by the car's tyre. me and my friend follow the MA to the forensic to confirm the cause of the death. i was surprise when i first saw the victim. it has no head at all. at the end, we decide to help the PPK to fix the victim's face. we gather all the pieces and stitch them until it look like a face. well of course it will be very impossible to make it the same as before but make it look like a human's head at least, said the PPK.  we must do it ASAP since the relative will come and confirm his identity afterward. 
i can hear the wife crying outside. she don't want to take a look at the victim's face to confirm it's identity. so, the brother replace her. i know, i understand her feeling. it's hurt when we lost someone we love. so, please.. to all the driver, INGATLAH ORANG YANG TERSAYANG.

today i almost cried. one of the patient in the ward where i am posting today passed away. 
it's not like i never saw incident like this before but i don't know why, this case leave a deep impact in me. 
the patient was 26 years old. she was admitted yesterday in ward with ventilator on. it's means i never spoke to her or saw her consciously. when she was admitted, she's already unconscious.  a complete stranger.
the husband said she's just fine until the evening when she came back from farm and collapse. she was sent to emergency departure and was intubated. later, the doctor confirm that she had brain infection. it called meningoencephalitis. 

the next day after all the investigation, the doctor confirm that her brain isn't working anymore(brain death). the only reason why she's still breathing is was because of the ventilator machine and all the drug that was given to the patient. there is no hope.
when the doctor explain the whole situation to the husband whether to let her die or continue with the ventilator machine (which we don't know until when it will last), i can see tear on his face. the husband asking for one day to think about it. of course it is hard for him to decide such thing. to let his wife die when she's just fine two days ago. 
but today as he return  they(the husband and all her family) decide to just end her life since there is nothing else we can do. as the doctor explain, i can see tear in the mother eyes. the mother said the patient is her only daughter. she want her to live longer than she is but God love her daughter more than she is. what hurt the most is when the patient just delivered her second child three month ago.
i can feel the sadness most in her husband. the husband eyes was all red, i bet he cried all night thinking about what he should live with the kids without her. i mean she just fine three days ago talking and laughing but now she's gone. 
i prayed the best for the husband and all his family.

it make me realize how we should appreciate our life and other, especially those who we care so much. today we might still be laughing with them, but GOD almighty, we know not what will happen tomorrow.
now, take your phone and text everyone that you care. tell them how much you appreciate them and love them. 

p/s
some of the staffnurse was almost tearing also today. amaze with all the hospital's staff, they saw this kind of incident everyday. i remember one of my teacher said before. whatever happen "life must go on"
to all the doctor and nurses, chayok-chayok!!


XOXO,
l i l i e s. j o h n